In His Own Backyard
by Bunny1
Summary: After the big announcement on the season finale. Earl's always wanted a son of his very own... what happens when he finds out he did all along? Jointfic with GreenLeoFiend. Finally Complete!
1. It's a Boy!

"Damnit, Earl! I married you and you really _were_ all this time?! Well, you suck at this."

"Don't you turn this around on _me_, Joy! I... I try... I didn't know the details!"

"Well, now ya do, and you can just leave it! He already thought you were his biological father--- now he just don't ever hafta be told different 'cause he's _right_."

**  
**"Wait a minute--- we're off subject here!" Darnell interjected.

"No, the subject was Earl sucking." Joy said with a slight smirk.

"You're glossing over Earl _Junior_. Well Joy, now I did think Earl Junior was my son."

"He is Darnell! Just not biologically!" Joy shouted. "Now this dummy here is Dodge's biological dad and he better step up before I kick his ass."

"I told you that I was sorry, okay!?" Earl shouted.

"Well, I am not the one you need to appoligize with dummy. Dodge is. You are his daddy, so now go be one!"

Earl sighed. He knew Joy was right... He walked outside where Dodge was playing baseball by himself.

"Where's your brother?" he asked.

"Over there in Richie Tarpin's trailer." he shrugged. "Why?"

"Just wonderin'... Dodge, you wanna come stay at the hotel for a few days with me an' Uncle Randy?"

"Really?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, Old Daddy..."

"Ah, about that... you can take the old off, huh?"

"Oh so I can just call you daddy then?" Dodge asked, hope in his eyes.

"Yup. That's who I am. I'm your daddy."

"But what about my new daddy, what should I call him?"

Earl opened his mouth and then closed it. He sighed.

"That is something you need to discuss with your stepfather."

The word rolled off his tongue easier than he thought. It was a relationship that he once thought fitted him.

"What's wrong Daddy?" Dodge asked Earl looking up at him with big eyes. "Did I say something wrong?"

Earl shook his head. "No, no, of course not. You know about my list?"

"The dummy list?" Dodge innocently asked.

Earl bit his his tongue. "Yes, but I call it my Karma list. It's a list of things I have done wrong in the past that I need to fix."

"Oh can I see it?" Dodge asked.

"No!" Earl shouted a bit too loud and Dodge took a step back.

Seeing the expression on Dodge face, Earl frowned. "It's just that there are lots adult stuff on this list. Which you can't read until you are older."

Dodge flashed Earl a look. "I do know cuss words Daddy."

Earl grinned. "Well, that's not exactly what I mean..."

"Is it like when Momma said she was fightin' the wolfman and I walked in on her and new Daddy?"

Earl flushed.

"Ah, yeah... somethin' like that."

"Oh." Dodge replied.

"So are you ready to go? Do you need to pack something?"

Dodge nodded. "Yeah. I will be right back."

While Dodge left to get his things, he thought about what Joy told Darnell; that Earl Junior is still his son in the ways that matter. He probably should hang out with Earl Junior some time soon. But, now he knew Dodge really needed some quality father and son time. Like Joy said, he was his son and he had been a very bad father lately. Dodge was on the list-- a few times actually. But still not enough...

Earl took out a pen and added a new entry to the list.

_"Be a better father to my son Dodge."_


	2. The More Things Change

After Dodge went to sleep that night, Earl took Randy out on the balcony to explain everything to him. It took a few tries, but Randy finally got it.

"Does this change things with Darnell?" Catalina asked. "I mean, that puts _you_ more in charge of certain things." she said carefully.

"Yes. I suppose... we'll hafta play it by ear..." he fidgited, not sure.

"Well, you gonna tell Mom and Dad?"

"Yeah, after I bring him back to Joy's." Earl affirmed.

"You need a better place than this, Earl."

"This is a _great_ place!" Earl argued. "I've been happy here!"

"Yes, well, it's not a kid place." Catalina said bluntly.

Part of Earl knew she was right, but, the other part of him was stubborn. "I like it here. It's fine."

"All right, suit yourself." Catalina shrugged, walking back towards her quarters.

"I don't know what she's talkin' about." Randy scoffed. "We've made _tons_ of friends here... 'Member that guy with the dog and candy? And, the guy who had a photography studio in his room? Oh! And Patty the Daytime Hooker's here all the time for clients, and she's classy..."

Earl shivered. "Okay, Catalina's right."

"She is?" Randy asked.

"Yeah. This isn't a place for children. And if I want to make this right, I need to find a new place."

"Well, you can't do it in the middle of the night..."

"Of course not Randy. We can look for houses tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? But did you just say Dodge will be here until Sunday?"

"Yes. But come one it will be fun." The real reason of course being the fact that Saturday is a real busy night for Patty.

The next morning, Earl took Dodge with him to look at apartments.

"This is boring..."

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Earl said. "But, I gotta get outta that hotel. Fast."

"They kick you out?"

"Um... yes. Yes, that's it."

"Oh, yeah, that happens to Momma sometimes and we have to move the trailer over a few spaces."

**  
**Earl rubbed his forehead.

"Um, why don't you help? I mean, you get to pick it out, too; why I brung ya."

"Okay... I get my own room?"

"He does?" Randy asked.

"_Yes_, Randy. So do you."

"Oh, right... Then, that's okay then."

"Great. So what do you think Dodge?"

"Sounds good. But then can we do something fun afterwards?"

"Yup of course. Open house don't usually go past 8. We can get something to eat and watch a movie."

"Can I pick where we eat too?"

"Okay. Where d'ya wanna go?"

"I like Pop's Hot Dogs."

"Oh, good!" Randy said, pleased.

Meanwhile, Joy was smoking cigarettes as if they were oxygen, and Darnell walked in, looking quiet.

"Where have you _been_?"

"Work."

"That's all you got to say to me?"

"Until you tell me the truth, maybe."

"Oh, don't give me that--- I was married to Earl when he was conceived!"

"Yeah, but you weren't jus' cheatin' on Earl! You were cheatin' on me, too!"

Joy threw something at him and he ducked.

"I hadn't made any commitments to you then! Don't give me that! And, at least you've been here. That counts for somethin'..."

"Yeah, guess..."

"I don't need this, I'm goin' for a drink." she said, stalking past him...

***************************************************************************  
Later that night, they had gone to see a new movie, a horror one. Normally, when Earl saw a horror flick, he laughed. But, for the first time, he found himself cringing. He looked over at Dodge, whose eyes were glued to the screen, though. He seemed to be enjoying it, even when Earl reflexively put his hand over the kid's eyes, Dodge made a face at him and nudged it away...


	3. The Proud Grandparents

Earl walked into his parents house with Randy. It had taken a long time to get their relationship back on track; he wondered if this could set them off again, them having to deal with Joy yet again...

"I got an an announcement." Earl said nervously.

"Announcement?" Kay asked, smiling at him. "Lemme guess--- you're getting married again? That nice Catalina girl?"

"Ah... no. Three times is probably enough..." Earl sighed. "You know how excited y'all were when y'all found out that Joy was gonna have my baby, and it turned out that... well, it weren't?"

Carl raised an eyebrow at him. "That gal ain't told you she was pregnant again, did she?"

Earl shook his head. "_No_, Dad... but... I _am_ a father. In fact, the kid's already here, but I just found out a coupla days ago..."

"What?!" Kay gasped.

"You sure? You sure it ain't some tramp shinin' you on?!"

"_No_, Dad, we did a test!" Earl hollered, getting annoyed that they were ruining this for him.

"Oh... oh, my, well, we'd like to meet our grandchild... is it a boy, or a girl?" Kay asked excitedly. "How old?"

"Nine, and a boy..." Earl hedged.

"Well, son, when do we meet him?" Carl asked jovially.

"You already met him!" Randy burst out. "It's Joy's oldest boy, Dodge!"

Kay and Carl looked at Earl in shock.

"You mean to tell us, that all this time..."

"Yes. We had him all this time and we wasted that. But, now, we are gonna do better."

"So..." Kay said, slipping down onto the couch, "that means I'm gonna have to keep seeing Joy..."

"Well, Kay it's not like we don't keep running into her anyway," Carl stated.

"Aren't you happy about this Mom?" Earl asked. "I have a son. And one we already love."

Kay smiled her uneasy smile. "Of course honey."

She walked up to Earl and gave him a huge hug. "It's just weird. When you and Joy first got married we thought... Earl how did this happen?"

"I thought it was some random guy in a dodge," Carl added.

"Well... she lied." Earl said simply. "I mean, had she known it was _me_, she wouldda said so from the get-go. But, she thought... She thought it was this guy who was a... well, a real douchebag. Turns out she was wrong all this time. We did a DNA test... It was... me..."

Carl raised an eyebrow at his son.

"Yeah, ha ha, Dad."

"What about that other son of Joy's the one that we did think was yours until he came. He is Darnell's right?" Kay asked.

Carl looked over to Kay and smirked.

Earl didn't answer verbally but instead gave his parents that blank stare. "Uhh..."

"That whore!" Kay shouted.

Randy gasped.

"Does she know who the father is?" Carl asked.

"Perhaps. She didn't say," Earl replied. "But that's Joy and Darnell's problem..."

"She… she… the tart cheated on you with two people Earl!" Kay shouted.

Earl nodded. "Yes, I guess so...but we are kinda getting off course here Mom..."**  
**  
Kay nodded. "I'm sorry Earl."

"So what do you think Dad?"

"Well, he already thinks we are his grandparents, right?"

Earl nodded. "Yeah. Joy never did tell him I wasn't his father."

"But you are?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."


	4. The Return of Donny Jones

Joy and Darnell weren't exactly on the best of terms at the moment; he was sleeping at the Crab Shack. Earl could see his hair was deflated as he walked in to get some breakfast.

"Doin' all right, Crab Man?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm all right." he shrugged. "You gettin' back to your list?"

Earl nodded. "Yeah... Thought I'd take up number 88: Peed in the back of a cop car."

"Well, sounds like an easy one; have the car cleaned?"

"If they don't beat him with police sticks for bein' the one that done it." Randy said, reaching his hand into the jar of pickled eggs.

Darnell nodded, and then looked up as Joy brought both of the boys in.

"Now, y'all sit on down, and Momma's gonna get you a snack."

She walked over to the counter, and gave Darnell a filthy look.

"What are the boys doin' here instead of at school, Joy? Its 10 a.m." he asked instead of allowing her to bait him.

"None of your business." she said smugly. "You decided that, didn't'cha?"

Darnell rolled his eyes and walked off, and Earl shook his head.

"Joy, what _are_ they doin' here?"

"Donny Jones is the new Gym Coach, _that's_ what they're doin' here."

"Oh," Earl said understanding. "He kind of went crazy again. How he get the job."

Darnell shrugged his shoulders. "He managed to convince the principal that he was qualified to teach after the last one got fired for getting the head cheerleader pregnant."

"Whoa!" Earl exclaimed.

"Was she hot?" Randy asked.

Darnell, "Umm this was the lead cheerleader at the junior high..."

Randy shivered in disgust.

Darnell nodded, "Uh yeah."

"Well someone should talk to that principal."

"Yeah? How about you dummy?" Joy shouted.

"Yeah... I guess I could do that..."

* * *

Earl walked down to the school, having in the back of his mind that he should be heading down to the police station first; stick to the list, but... Joy would kill him. He stepped into the principal's office, a sick feeling of déjà vu coming over him. He hadn't been in here since he got kicked out in the sixth grade, when he'd been temporarily sent to parochial school...

The principal skittered back slightly when he entered, drawing a wheezing breath.

"Hickey..." she muttered almost fearfully."Word was you were dead... Hoped ya were..."

Earl winced slightly at that. "Yeah, I know I done some bad things, but I made up for 'em. Well, at least some of 'em... I'm tryin', I got a list... Anyway, I've been here before, for my son's career day? Dodge Hickey? I went to his class, just not to come visit with you. Maybe that was wrong; I shouldda come to visit you, to apologize for all the trouble I caused the time I was here..."

"Are you serious?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, 'course I am. Ask anybody; I'm a follower of Karma now."

"Right... is that why you're here?"

"Well, no, but... you _are_ on my list, I could do an item for ya if you like."

"Uh-huh..." she said disbelievingly, leaning back. "All right, we'll see... what _are_ you here for, then?"

"It's about Donny Jones."

"Yes?"

"You can't seriously have him around children... come on, he's... nuts. He's my friend, and he's not completely a b_ad_ guy... just... nuts."

"Mr. Hickey, the parents do not hire around here. The school board does. And, unless he's done something while here that you can complain about, then, you're wasting my time."

"But---"

"Goodbye, Mr. Hickey."


	5. Karma's Reward

Earl walked into the trailer, a large bag under his arm, and both boys came running up to him.

"What'cha get Daddy? What'cha get?" They both yelled, and Earl grinned.

"I went down to the Wal-Mart and got a slip-and-slide and a thing of Palmolive dish soap." he said, pulling it out.

Amidst the "wow"s "awesome"s he kept hearing, they were both quickly stripping down to their little underroos.

"Well, I reckon I'd best go set this up." he said, grinning at Joy, and walking back outside...

* * *

Earl ended up staying the rest of the day, and long enough to tuck the kids into bed. He'd missed out on a lot, he realized, and he wasn't going to miss out on anything else. He walked slowly into Joy's bedroom--- the one that they used to share--- and stuck his head in.

"Kids are down." he said.

"Good, good." she nodded, not looking up from the box she was stuffing.

"What'cha doin'?" he asked, walking in fully now and sitting on the edge of her waterbed.

"Packing up Darnell's stuff." she said softly. "Gonna take it to the Crab Shack--- and burn it in the parking lot." she grinned. "Won't do me no good unless he sees it done." she chuckled.

Earl rolled his eyes. Yep, that was Joy... And, there was something to that effect he needed to speak to her about...

"Joy..." he hedged. "I'm sorry."

"About what?" she asked, looking at him with her large blue eyes.

"About being a sucky father. And, probably a worse husband." he said, rubbing his hands on his worn-out jeans nervously. "I reckon I got two other ex-wives who'd back you up that I suck at bein' a husband, and they didn't even last as long as you did. They barely had the patience for two weeks. You put up with me _way_ longer than that."

Joy was looking at him like he had grown three heads, but he pushed through.

"So... I'm sorry?"

And, suddenly, her arms were around his neck, and she was kissing him, pushing him back towards the pillows. His hands came up on her back as he returned the kiss eagerly--- he'd missed her--- but, suddenly he pushed away.

"Joy, what---"

"I've been waiting _years_ to hear those words from you..." she revealed. "You know, since you're sorry about being a sucky husband, maybe you could take care of one of your list items."

"Oh?" he squeaked. "Which one would that be?"

"Never gave Joy more than one orgasm at the time." she said, straddling his waist now, and starting to kiss his earlobe, something she knew was a hot button point for him.

"Ohhh... oh, that feels so good... but, ah, that's not on the list..."

Joy stopped, and looked at him sharply. "Doesn't mean you don't need to take care of it."

Earl nodded slowly, and backed up, taking off his clothes quickly as Joy did the same. Slowly, he came down capturing her mouth once again, and willed himself to think of other things, just to be able to take his time, and explore her supple body thoroughly, reveling in every little squirm and moan, knowing soon the room would be filled with her deep, throaty cries of passion...

Afterward, Joy had a satisfied, Chessy-Cat grin on her face he'd never seen, and she lay back on the pillow smoking her second cigarette. Earl grinned a bit cockily, even though he was worn out, and sighed contentedly. He'd wasted a lot of time, but, now he knew how Dorothy felt at the end of _The Wizard of Oz_. For the first time, he really understood.

He'd wasted a lot of time, but, he wasn't going to do that anymore. Karma had finally given him his second chance, his reward, and all this time, it had been right in his own backyard...

___The End___


End file.
